


Uncertainty

by Eustacia Vye (eustaciavye)



Series: Beginning Again [6]
Category: Mirrormask (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-02-02
Updated: 2007-02-02
Packaged: 2017-10-07 00:46:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/59545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eustaciavye/pseuds/Eustacia%20Vye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because sometimes you won't talk until you're caught.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Uncertainty

Of course the one time Helena and James were doing a bit more than snogging, Joanne came into her trailer.

They had moved on from The Tempest and were discussing As You Like It. While talking about Rosalind, Helena had impulsively kissed James on the tip of his nose. Then his ear. Then his forehead. And it had simply been downhill from there. The book had fallen off of her bed, she rolled onto her back, and somehow his hand had wound up under her shirt. "This is certainly not going to be a good thing for your Mum to find out about," James had said, laughing in between kisses. "Aren't I corrupting you?"

"I don't care," Helena had laughed. "Just kiss me again."

They had heard Joanne's gasp from the doorway, and James hurriedly untangled himself. "I'm interrupting something," Joanne said faintly, not sure if she should turn around and leave.

"Oh, well, we were saying goodbye for the evening," Helena said hurriedly. Unable to meet anyone's eyes, James hurried from the trailer after Helena gave him a push on his back.

Joanne shut the door after him. After a moment's hesitation, she sat down beside Helena. "I suppose you like him, then."

Helena looked down at her twined fingers, aware her face was flaming red with embarassment. And bugger it all, she probably shouldn't have said that she was saying goodbye for the evening. Whatever kind of thing was that to say? Would James take it the wrong way? She already felt like a cold fish sometimes, and this predicament certainly didn't help matters.

"I like him a lot," Helena replied after a long moment. She didn't look up at her mother.

"He's a good one. I suppose I don't have to say it, but I don't want you rushing things." Helena looked up at her mother in surprise. "I hope you haven't... yet... er... Well. I don't want you rushing things. You always remember your first time, and I want your memories to be good ones." Helena didn't know what to say, so she said nothing. "You'll... You'll be careful, won't you?"

"I will, Mum. I just... I was waiting, I guess. I didn't want to rush things about."

Joanne looked decidedly relieved. "Oh, good, then."

There was a long pause. "Did you want to ask me something, Mum?"

"Oh, yes. I wanted to know if you wanted to come with me to the appointment tomorrow. I suppose I should ask if James wants to come along with us."

"He can't," Helena replied, somewhat relieved. "He's visiting his Gran tomorrow during the day. But I'll go with you. We haven't really talked about... well... anything, really."

Joanne nodded slowly. There have been many awkward pauses between them, and Joanne had wondered what became of her daughter. How did there start to be things they couldn't speak about? First were Helena's vague dreams of normalcy, the wish to go on to schooling, the strange turn in her art and now a boyfriend she hadn't told her mother about.

"Where did things go wrong?" Joanne murmured. "When did we stop talking?"

Helena bit her lip and looked at the drawings on the wall. "When it started to matter more what you thought of me," Helena whispered. "I'm a bad girl sometimes," she added after a moment. "I didn't want you to think me horrible."

Joanne sighed and pulled her daughter into a tight hug. "Oh, Helena. I never could. You get under my skin sometimes, yes. But you're not horrible. You're not bad. Just... determined. You're like your father that way. You have these hopes and you try so hard to make them work. You don't always look before you leap."

"James looks," Helena murmured. "He's willing to wait for me."

"Well, good. You're a girl worth waiting for."

Helena looked up at her mother with a grateful look. "Thank you, Mum."

"Ah, look at us. Come on, then. Candy apples and popcorn for us now, right?"

Helena grinned, remembering the times when she was a small child and upset about something. Her mother would make her feel better with a good sound talking to, and then they would go into the big top. It was a much less fearsome thing when empty. They would tell jokes or juggle with each other, and snack on candy apples and popcorn.

"I'd love to."

***

James visited his grandmother Regina every few months. He took her about on errands, made sure she was all right and all of the bills had been paid on time since his last visit. Since his grandfather's death, he had been careful to check up on his grandmother. His grandfather had Alzheimer's, and at the end would often smile at thin air and talk to his long-dead younger sister. It had been sad, his his grandfather had been such a vital man. James liked to think his fantastical ways of thinking came from his grandfather.

"James, you don't have to keep doing this," his grandmother protested. "Don't you have some girl you'd rather be spending time with than your old grandmother?"

"Gram, I'll always have time for you," he replied, not looking her in the eye.

"You _do_ have a girl! All right, then, out with it. What's her name, where's she live, what's she like...?"

James gave a playful sigh and sat down next to her on the living room couch. His grandmother had aged gracefully, but she had aged. His silly mother hadn't helped much. "Her name is Helena."

"Oh, lovely."

"She's a juggler with the Campbell Family Circus. I work there now. She's sixteen," James added, voice heavy. "I'm waiting," he added pointedly, giving his grandmother a determined look. "I'm not stupid." At his grandmother's incredulous look, James began to laugh. "Not _that_ stupid, anyway."

"So you're with the circus now," she sighed. "James..."

"I do the books, too." He ducked his head and gave her a rueful smile. "Those accounting classes came in handy, then."

"I did tell you that they would."

James nodded and looked at his grandmother. "I really like her, Gran. _Really._ I just... I don't know what to do about it."

"She'll grow up fast, I suppose. Girls do nowadays. She's a good one?"

"We talk about Shakespeare and art and literature. She's an incredible artist, Gran. You should see it. And she's a fantastic juggler with the circus. She's brilliant at costume making, too." James' face softened as he described her skills. "She's beautiful, Gran. She really is. She doesn't see it all the time, but she is."

Regina smiled at her grandson. "I'm glad, James. I want you to be happy."

"I am, Gran. I really am."

"You know your mother's back in rehab." James' face tightened, but he didn't say anything. "I hope it works this time."

"How do you do it?" James asked after a long moment.

Regina didn't misunderstand his meaning. "I remember who she used to be. I remember what she could be. I can't ever stop hoping she can get there, however long it takes. I'm not sure if she'll ever really be better, but I can't stop hoping that she will." She patted James' arm softly. "She does love you, James. Maybe she can't show it properly, but she does. She's ill, and we can't fault her for that. She tries. We have to remember that."

"I don't want to be her, Gran," James said softly, looking down at her clasped hands. "I'm so afraid of doing something stupid and ruining everything I've ever wanted."

He looked up startled at his grandmother's laughter. "Oh, James, you could never be like your mother. You're too much like your grandfather and I. You've got a practical core beneath that fancy, you do. You'd never be lost like that. You've got the best of both your parents, I'm glad to say. You've turned into such a wonderful young man."

James looked at his grandmother with a soft smile. "Thank you, Gran."

"And next time you visit? Bring along Helena. I'd love to meet her."

James suppressed the _frisson_ of fear. Meeting his grandmother would be a big deal. It was a huge step. Could he possibly be ready for something like that?

He took a deep breath and smiled at his grandmother. "Of course, Gran. I'd love to."

Surprisingly, he meant it.

***

Helen packs her bag and hides it beneath her bed. She has the silver key on a silver chain, and it dangles beneath the bodice of her dress. Things are not that bad yet that she might use the bag, but she wants to be sure. Valentine might not visit, after all, and the Other Girl may not come back. She might yet be left all alone with her mother, who might still smother her in unwanted love.

No, not unwanted. Excessive, really.

Helen curls her legs beneath her and smiles at her reflection in the mirror. Plans are wonderful things, really. They inspire confidence even when otherwise there would be none.

She could even deal with her mother today, if it came to that. Helen is sure of it.

She looks up at the knock on her door. It's a gentle knock, but it isn't Valentine's. His knock is slightly louder, more sure. He knows he is welcome, and he knows there is affection for him here.

Helen opens the door and sees her mother there, no mask on her face. "I'd like to talk," her mother says, voice soft and almost sad. "I haven't seen you in days, even when I commanded it."

Helen thinks of the packed bag, of Valentine's kisses and the Other Girl's willingness to make amends. Small steps. Steady steps.

"I would love to, Mama," Helen murmurs. She smiles at her mother, who looks almost relieved. They are both uncertain about the other, but both were willing to listen. It is a most rare occasion, indeed.

Helen takes her mother's hand, and they proceed into the dining hall. For once, Helen is certain that it will be a good meeting, and that she won't come away from it angry. She is sure that her mother won't, either. She smiles at her mother, and means it.

 

The End.


End file.
